This month in our curriculum, A Year of Playing Skillfully, we are focusing on the character trait of forgiveness.

Webster's 1828 Dictionary defines forgiveness as “to pardon, to overlook an offense and treat the offender as not guilty.” We thought this was a very matter-of-fact definition for such a complex emotional process. Listen to Episode 31 of the Play Skillfully where Kathy and Lesli have a frank talk about what teaching children about forgiveness can look like in your home. 

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“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.”

— William Arthur Ward

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1. Examine your own family history with forgiveness. We don’t want to parent on auto-pilot! Did your family easily forgive? Did your parents apologize to you and ask for forgiveness? How would you like to do things differently with your family? 

2. Recognize that with small children, the foundation of forgiveness is developing the idea of inherent worth. Use stories such as “Horton Hears a Who” by Dr. Suess to develop empathy for others. After using stories to develop the idea of inherent worth, we want to move onto developing ideas of kindness, respect, and generosity. When a child is about 6 years old, they can developmentally begin to understand the causes and effects of people’s actions. 

3. Remember that forgiveness sometimes takes time! It does not always mean immediate reconciliation. Forgiveness is a choice and should never be forced on a child before they are ready.

4. Always be there to help your child name their feelings. Validate their feelings of anger, sadness, or frustration without validating unwanted behavior that can come along with it. 

5. Forgiveness demonstrates resilience, and this is a quality our children really need to take into their futures. They need the ability to repair, reframe and move on from conflict. Holding onto anger and resentment creates anxiety and depression. It is necessary for our mental health to learn to forgive.
   

Stories that build the foundation for forgiveness:

Horton Hears a Who by Dr Seuss

Mrs. Rosey Posey and the Yum-Yummy Birthday Cake by Robin Jones Gunn

The Berenstain Bears and the Golden Rule by Mike Berenstain 

I Forgive You: Love We Can Hear, Ask For, and Give by Nicole Lataif

Punk the Skunk Learns to Say I’m Sorry by Misty Black

How to Apologize by David LaRochelle

The Circles All Around Us by Brad Montegue

The Friend Who Forgives Storybook: A true story about how Peter failed and Jesus forgave by Dan Dewitt 

How are you hanging in there, homeschool parents? I tend to get in the doldrums in February, but by middle March, when the daffodils start coming up, I get a spark of energy from the new life I can see springing up all around me. Here in Georgia, we tend to get a “false spring” when some of the trees and flowers start blooming, but the pollen scourge has not yet descended like a yellow blanket over everything. It made me feel motivated to set some goals for myself and my children.

Like many people, I always start the year with the best of intentions. This year, my husband and I made lofty New Year’s resolutions, full of pride and good intentions, coming off our completion of the 75 Hard Challenge. Instead, our home was hit with one bug after another, leaving us feeling run down and unmotivated. With the New Year novelty gone, the coldest winter I can remember made it easy to stay sluggish on the warm couch. Our good intentions turned into a lot of mindless scrolling on our phones. Our gym membership went unused. Good books gathered dust. Kids watched and picked up our habits. The dog wondered where his daily three mile walks went. It really was not a good situation for anyone in Richard's household.

But….up came the daffodils. They are my “new new year!” I decided to make some changes. Kathy had bought me a copy of The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins, which I started this week.  One of the first things she talked about was launching yourself out of bed by counting 5,4,3,2,1 and jumping into action, without hesitating and hitting the snooze button 95 times. So my 5am start time is back, which means my quiet alone time is back, which means my attitude is much improved! I am ready to tackle some personal goals and help my children set some of their own. 

One of the things we have been struggling with lately is free reading time. Both Rosie (13) and I have a fat stack of books to read, but have not been creating time to do it. So today we are starting a new habit of reading for an hour side by side in the evenings. Thirteen is a rough age to be a girl, and I’m hoping it will give us some space to have some good talks too. 

I’ve decided we will sit in the living room, making it special, and am planning some party food for our first session. Five days in a row will win us a special coffee date out. 

Speaking of reading, when my kids were little, my stack was mostly full of the classics, theology and parenting books. I left the business, leadership and time management books to my husband. In hindsight, I wish I had included some of these. As I have branched out in my reading, I can see how those leadership lessons would have been valuable for me as a mother. One of my favorite recent reads is Atomic Habits by James Clear. This would have helped me so much back when I had five little ones, but it looked so businesslike I wouldn’t have thought to pick it up. 

Did your New Year’s resolutions hit the skids? Let the daffodils popping their heads up inspire you to start anew. What new goal would you like to achieve? We need to model goal setting and achieving for our kids. Learning to compare themselves today to themselves three months ago is a good way to insulate our kids from the trap of comparing themselves to others! 

And tell me which books you think I should read next!

This month in our curriculum, A Year of Playing Skillfully, the character trait we are focusing on in ourselves and our children is patience. 

Today we are talking about how we can encourage patience in our children. Anyone who has ever carried a tantruming child out of a public place knows this is the holy grail of parenting! How can we teach our children to wait quietly and peacefully for their dinner, or their turn with a toy? How can we minimize the squabbles that come from impatience and frustration with others?

Check Yourself first! 

To read about how to develop patience in yourself visit our blog post HERE.

Observe and target potential triggers.

All children are different and get frustrated over different things. Observe each of your children and make notes on the things that seem to cause them the most impatience. A list of potential triggers are:

• Turn taking

• Losing at games

• Hunger

• Perfectionism

• Frustration with building new skills

• Keeping up with siblings

• Others not keeping their word

Validate the feeling, but not the behavior.

Usually when a child becomes impatient, their feelings are valid and logical. Oftentimes they lack the maturity to handle those emotions and they act out in ways that can be problematic. When your child acts out, try to help them identify their emotion and verbalize it for them. Say something like “I can see that you are very frustrated that your brother is not giving you a turn with that truck. That must be really hard.” Once we have addressed the big emotion happening, we can help them problem solve and redirect their energies.

Problem solve out loud.

When you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling impatient, use the opportunity to verbally model the thought process you would like to show your children. For example, say something like “This traffic is so hard to sit in. I’m feeling very impatient because I want to get home! Let’s make it more fun by playing our favorite songs. Everyone choose one!” or “I am feeling very impatient because I am so hungry! My stomach is growling and making me grouchy! But I can see that everyone in the restaurant is working so hard to make our food, so I am going to think about how yummy it is going to be when it gets here, and drink a big glass of water until it does!” 

Use Humor whenever possible.

Humor and silliness can diffuse so many big emotions. Playfulness is the best way to handle so many things with children, and impatience is no different. It is so tempting to be hard on them when they are impatient…I often wonder if this is because when we see our children showing our own character defects, we become unconsciously defensive, and go after them with extra energy. Dial it back and approach them with a smile and gentle playfulness. Use games like Mother, May I, Freeze Dance, and Duck, Duck, Goose to build listening and patience skills.

Be Honest.

How many times have you said “In a minute.” when your child is asking for something? How many times does one minute turn into fifteen minutes? Our kids are not dumb, and even if they cannot tell time, they have a sense of time. You can help by being honest about how long things will take and giving them concrete objectives such as “When you see mom turn on the flame under the soup, she will be ready to play cards with you, so watch for the flame!” Using visual timers such as hour glasses and kitchen timers is also helpful with small children. Make sure to keep your word when you tell them “in a minute!”

Praise it when you see it!

This month, when you observe your children practicing patience, call it out and reward it! 

• “Hey, nice waiting! 

• “I know you are super hungry and you are being so patient!”

• “I noticed you were being so patient when your brother wanted to play with your new Lego, so I am making a special dessert tonight!”

• “Mom took so much longer than she wanted to finish her work, and you played quietly, so she will read you an extra book before bed.”

Teaching our children to be patient with themselves and others will pay off mightily over the course of their lives, and will make a difference in generations to come! It is worth the work of being intentional in building patience in ourselves and our kids! 

This month in our curriculum, A Year of Playing Skillfully, the character trait we are focusing on in ourselves and our children is patience. 

Several years ago, Lesli and Kathy recorded a podcast about how to encourage patience in your children, as part of our Character Builders Series. This month we are reposting it for your listening pleasure! We think it is chock full of good advice and practical tips on building this necessary trait in you and your children. 

In today’s blog post we are focusing on building patience in yourself, because our modeling positive behaviors is a power teacher! 

Tips for building patience in yourself:

Relationships over Results 

Always consider the fragility of the humans you are dealing with. Be gentle. You honestly never know what people are dealing with at home, or what broken system they are trying to work within. The way we respond to others, whether it be to a spouse, a server, or someone on the end of a customer service line, is always on display to our children. 

Check Yourself First

Educate yourself in the developmental stages of your children, so that your expectations are reasonable. When are children are frustrating you, ask yourself the following questions:

• Are we frustrated with them because we were unprepared, disorganized, or unrested?

• Are we communicating clearly what our expectations are?

• Are we expecting others to read our minds?

• Are we run down and in need of self care?

Be Mindful of Non-verbal Cues

Our children are masters of observation! We need to be self-aware of the way we use our bodies and tone of voice to communicate our dissatisfaction. Some things you may need to put into check are eye-rolling, sarcasm, belittling, sighing, and foot-tapping. One technique that works well when you catch yourself being impatient is to lower your shoulders, and relax your tongue so that it is not touching the roof of your mouth. 

Protect Your Own Quiet Prayer Time

There is nothing that makes us gentler with people than spending time with our gentle Lord. He is so patient with us, and we need to keep that conduit open in order to pour it out onto others. My children (Lesli) have occasionally looked at me wide-eyed and said “Did you miss your quiet time today?

Be aware of the spiritual implications of impatience.

We are not inclined toward patience. And we can let our impatience masquerade as righteous anger, and justify poor treatment of others. The biblical meaning of patience does not imply passive waiting. The Greek word hupŏmŏnē implies an active enduring and persevering though irritation and trials. To grow in our patience, we need to trust in the Lord that he is working things out for our good. 

Check back tomorrow as we discuss ways to build patience in our children!

Photo by Elsie Iudicello

Photo by Elsie Iudicello

Photo by Lesli Richards

“I like having time to be wild and messy and dirty and be someplace else in my mind. Because then eventually I want to come back home where I belong. Where I can be clean and warm and safe and loved and feel peace in my heart. After I have felt all those things for a while then I’m ready to be messy and wild again. That’s the kind of circle I love for growing up. ”

— Age 8

There is something about mud that is strangely satisfying to children.   Mud is a substance that has survived the test of time like few other man-made playthings.  I remember once when I was a child, I told my godmother that I had nothing to do. She looked at me and said “Have you ever made mud pies?” She took me out to the wooden circle bench around the big sprawling oak tree, and set up a makeshift kitchen under the shady branches.  With sun peeking through on our work, we mixed and poured and giggled, using old pie tins, pots and pans and wooden spoons.  When the day was done, I do believe that my dear old godmother was as dirty as I was.   She had enjoyed reliving her childhood, remembering making mud pies along with her best friend, my grandmother.  To this day, I can recall the feeling of the cool mud, its musty smell, and the strange stiffness on my sun dried skin.  Anthony Esolen describes memories of this type of deep play as one of the only things that an old man can look back on without regret, and with complete satisfaction. I agree.

Fast forward forty years, and I watch my six-year-old discover several large mud puddles on our driveway. She is bent over them, in a tutu and sparkly boots…carefully scooping the mud into Inca like structures in the middle of the water. She has no idea I am watching her, so immersed in deep imaginary play and sensory satisfaction.  Such a strange elemental play thing is the earth beneath our feet. It is a marvelous gift that God gives us to entertain our children with. I love to give children natural God-made materials to play with, because scripture tells us that he communicates his invisible attributes to us through the things he has made. I think our children sense this deep in their souls.

It’s hard though, living in our screen riddled hand sanitized world, to remember that mud is so good for us in so many ways.   Playing with mud offers a perfectly balanced sensory experience.  It inspires our creativity and helps us learn to problem solve and take risks.  It provides excellent sensory feedback, which results in an integrated, calm child who is ready to take on challenges. This type of sensory free play, with no rulebooks, actually changes the connections of the neurons in your frontal cortex.  It may look messy, but there is some serious construction work going on inside those little brains as they get elbows deep in mud.  And germ-a-phobic mothers, take heart.  Studies have shown that children who grow up on farms and play in dirt regularly have less incidents of asthma, allergies and are least likely to have auto immune disorders.

This week, as our weather starts to warm up, mix your child up a big batch of the good stuff.  Let him have some old pots and pans and wooden spoons.  Get out there with him and enjoy the feeling of the sun on your back. And someday, he’ll show your grandchildren how to make mud pies.

Activity to use from A Year of Playing Skillfully by Kathy Lee and Lesli Richards

Muddy Buggy Creek: Fill the bottom of a sensory bin with dirt.

Next, bury some plastic bugs and worms in the dirt.

Fill the bin with water, covering the dirt completely.

Invite your learner to dig for bugs. Hopefully they will be inspired to create a mud pie or two!

“Every child should have mud pies, grasshoppers, water bugs, tadpoles, frogs, mud turtles, elderberries, wild strawberries, acorns, chestnuts, trees to climb. Brooks to wade, water lilies, woodchucks, bats, bees, butterflies, various animals to pet, hayfields, pine-cones, rocks to roll, sand, snakes, huckleberries and hornets; and any child who has been deprived of these has been deprived of the best part of education.
”

— Luther Burbank

Eight years ago, we had “tidings of great joy” and had our sweet girl shortly before Christmas. She is our little miracle girl…a placenta previa pregnancy that miraculously healed days before delivery. Our doctor pointed out that it was a miracle to every nurse who looked at our chart. It was a great way to come into the world!  And we rejoice that she is ours, even as she delivers a mighty kick in the ribs in the middle of the night.

Being a mom of little ones is hard. Really hard. But it’s a miracle and a great blessing.

I wanted to remember those little hands and feet that are so hard to sleep with, because soon she will be way too cool to crawl into bed with us.

After we read the story of the angel appearing to Zachariah, giving him the incredible news that he and his wife would have a miracle baby, I decided to have Rosie make an angel with her little hands and feet. We just did it with acrylic paint on some pallet wood. I’ve also seen them done beautifully on paper and burlap. I added her name, age, and a bible verse with a gold pen….

I encourage you to preserve their little hands and feet…she’s the fifth baby, and this is the FIRST time I’ve taken her hand and footprint. I’m so glad I did!

Book Making with Preschoolers!

Maybe, like us, the final week of Christmas has you feeling a little behind too…if so, catch up today with your advent devotions in Ann Voskamp’s Unwrapping the Greatest Gift! Today we read the story of Habakkuk climbing to the top of the watchtower, and grieving over the sin of the people. God drew near to Habakkuk, and Habakkuk declares

I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!

The Sovereign Lord is my strength!

He makes me as surefooted as a deer,

able to tread upon the heights.

Today, let your preschooler make a book about the things that give him joy. Make a simple book out of folded paper or cardstock. Give him a camera, and let him take the pictures. Print them out for him and let him glue them in. Let him tell you about each picture, and carefully write down his words just as he said them. He will be able to proudly read his book to everyone.

Making their own books is a powerful way for preschoolers to connect with the written word. It is an important step towards a love for language and reading. You will have a little snapshot of what gives your child found joy in when they were small.

Today we are doing some social-emotional and sensory play! It has been such a long day getting five children to their various parties and obligations. My 8-year-old decided that we should set up a beauty shop while we had our devotions so that I could relax, and Rosie could brush my hair, lotion my hands, and put sparkles on my eyes. It was a wonderful idea, and Rosie enjoyed listening to the story and treating Mommy like Queen Esther. Rosie is the kind of little one who makes messes if she doesn’t get enough sensory input, so after a day in the car, lots of slippy lotion was a great treat.

It was such a nice relaxing time, and Rosalie was listening carefully to our devotion. Like her mama, she listens better when she has something to do with her hands! We talked about looking forward to the offering at church this weekend, which is benefiting a women’s and children’s shelter. Our children had an opportunity to work for some friends this week and were paid today. Today’s teaching helped them see that they can be a bridge to the King for some suffering families. They are eagerly awaiting this weekends offering to bring their gifts in honor of the Baby King.

When you unwrap your worth in the Gift of Christ, you release your grip on all the other gifts. You are loved and carried and secure, and what else do you need when you have Him? You are free, free, to lavishly give away your gifts when all your value, worth, joy and riches are in the greatest of gifts.

-Unwrapping the Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp

“God gathered His children and told them what would happen even before it happened. The Father-King of the heavens and of all the universe and His Son-King looked across Their Kingdom and saw how all the children They had made were being held captive by the dark and the sinfulness and the sickness and the badness. They knew Their unconditional, unstoppable, unwrappable love had to come and get Their people -us—so They came up with the very best rescue plan.

This is what they decided: The Father-King of the heavens and all of the universe and His Son-King would open the back side of the world, and the Son-King would would unexpectedly slip right into the Kingdom through a little, unlikely door: Bethlehem.”

-Ann Voskamp, Unwrapping the Greatest Gift

Today we are going to help our preschoolers connect with our advent teaching by making bread. Bethlehem literally means “house of bread”….isn’t it cool that Jesus, “the bread of life” was born in “the house of bread”?

Cooking with small children is such a fruitful educational opportunity! They practice language as you both talk through the process. Math is experienced in a hands-on way as you measure. Fine and gross motor muscle planning takes place as batter is stirred and dough is kneaded. Smells and sounds abound! Cooking is also a bonding process that fosters connection and builds common memory.

Bread is an ideal thing for preschoolers to start with! It’s relatively forgiving and fun to knead and shape. Today we are sharing Rosalie’s favorite bread to make…it is a challah that she calls “Rupunzel Bread” because it looks like a blonde braid! This is a bread machine recipe, but can easily be adjusted to be made with a mixer.  Let your little one help with an easy pot up soup….the kind where you just dump stuff into the pot (I added our current EASY favorite recipe below) and have your family devotion at the dinner table. Let your preschooler proudly serve the meal and  tell the whole family what the world Bethlehem means!

Creamy Tomato Tortellini Soup

Source: www.keyingredient.com

Course: Soup

Serves: 1

Ingredients

• 2 whole large Cloves Of Garlic Minced

• 2 Tbl Olive Oil

• 2 10¾ oz Cans of Condensed Tomato Soup

• 1/4 cup Sun Dried Tomatoes chopped or 2 Tbl Of Sun Dried Tomato Paste

• 2 cups Half-and-half

• 2 cups Chicken Stock

• 1 tsp Onion Powder

• 1 Tbl Italian Seasoning

• 1/2 tsp Salt

• 1/2 tsp Pepper

• 1 whole 9 Oz Package Of Cheese Filled Tortellini

• 1/2 cup Shredded Parmesan Cheese for garnish

Directions

1. Saute garlic with the olive oil in a large stock pot over medium heat until golden brown.Be sure to keep an eye on it so it doesn’t get too brown or burnt.When the garlic is done, add tomato soup, tomatoes, half and half, chicken stock and spices.Bring to a simmer.Once simmering, drop tortellini into the soup. Cook according to the package directions.After tortellini are cooked, ladle soup into bowls and top with parmesan cheese

Our whole family looks forward to our devotions from Unwrapping the Greatest Gift! Although I had great hopes of having everyone together every night, conflicting schedules of the seven of us have me thinking more of Grand Central Station than the peaceful scene I have planned!  We soldier on though, and remember that life doesn’t have to be Hallmark perfect to be a great memory!

Tonight our devotions are going to be with just me and two littlest girls. Since my energy is running low tonight, I’m going to choose a calming activity to do with them. I’m going to put them in the bath, and have devotions there! I’ve got some glow sticks that I’m going to surprise them with….we can turn off the lights and pretend we are in the belly of a whale!  The goal is to help them connect with the story. I know we will continue to talk about Jonah this week!

Sometimes it’s only when you see that you have very little in your hands that you can take hold of God’s very big hands. Could there ever be a bigger, better gift than getting more of God? Jonah said sorry to God and turned around, right there in the turning and churning tummy of the fish. You always get the greatest gift when you turn around and go the right way, right toward the smiling ways of God.  – Unwrapping the Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp